30 june, 2000
snack-sized church chow for samaritans on the go
I wasn't too hungry one day at lunch this week, so I thought I'd drive down to the local bookstore for a cup of coffee. On my way there, I ended up making a detour. Call it divine intervention, or call it the fourteen-foot yellow clearance sale banner draped across the parking lot. Lifeway Christian Bookstore had just saved me from a mediocre lunch hour! Do I hear an Amen?
Now before we get all cranked up here, don't get your shorts in a wad thinking you need to bring your holy intervention group to my house. I'm not an athiest, and in fact am on pretty good terms with Jesus and the gang. But I do keep our relationship simple. He gives me some comfort and keeps my head on straight, and I remember to say "thank you" a lot. Jesus and I have an understanding, which is that I don't need a truckload of prayer gear to get me through the pearly gates. I just bought these items because they're cool. And I needed a snack for later.
In a Wal-Mart-sized Christian bookstore, you have to search for the good stuff in the back of the store, where the preachers shop. My first stop was the collection envelope aisle, where I quickly understood why churches need to collect such a bundle in the first place. These things are expensive! However, I began to see some real possibilities by purchasing a package of my own. Running a website isn't exactly cheap, you know. And being as God loveth a cheerful giver, you just send me your name, address, and a prayer request. You cheerfully cram several bills into one of these things, and I'll loveth you almost as much as he does.
Further back and next to the choir gowns, I spotted something that makes all of my dopey shopping trips worth their while. The Holy Grail of retail. Soft, it said. For the Lord's supper service, and the perfect snack-sized treat, I snagged a personal box of Broadman Communion Bread (uniform size, guaranteed fresh). It's unleavened bread--what's not to be fresh? No matter how I look at it, I've got a box of Chiclet-sized styrofoam holy nuggets. But it happened that I was gathering with friends later that evening, and you know how it is to show up empty-handed. It went into the shopping basket, for later snacking by the handful. Not bad with wine.
So I'm at the register, satisfied with my lunch hour, when I spotted something that made me remember why I don't shop at these places too often. Some of this stuff is just really reaching. Like Testamints--A Great Witnessing Tool. And I had to wonder, how do you effectively witness to someone when all you're armed with is enthusiasm and a pack of breath mints. "Hey, Dan, I was standing next to you during the service today, and when you belted out that last verse, I nearly fell over from the stench. So, have you accepted God as your personal savior, and can I offer you a mint?"
I'm going to try to figure out if the marketing and merchandizing of Jesus paraphenalia has actually saved anyone. Until I do, I'm going to put a few of these envelopes in the mail to my family. My birthday is coming up, and I bet they're feeling mighty cheerful right about now.
Broadman Communion Bread, and Envelopes
Broadman Supplies, Nashville TN
Testamints
Testamints, Inc. Made in Germany