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15 september, 2000 |
a guy in virginia always has some on hand Alas, this week's review is the last odd food item I purchased in Richmond, Virginia. And, much to my delight, it's a doozy. You may think that I go looking for highly-religious snacks, judging by a few of these columns I've written. But I swear, they come looking for me. Some people might say it's like a sign or something, and maybe I ought to be paying attention. This point is best illustrated by a little something I picked up in the cracker aisle a couple of weeks ago. So I'm standing next to the Little Debbie Snacking Extravaganza, and contemplating between two smooshy, chocolate-covered confections, when I see divine intervention doing its work with me again. Directly next to the Little Debbie Devil's Food Squares (I'm really not kidding -- do you hear Rosemary's Baby music?), is a small, brown box of crackers with a lovely photograph on the front. It's a box of Galilee Splendor Bible Bread, The Unleavened Bread of the Exodus, and The Original Fast Food. Woo-hoo, I've hit the holy jackpot! It goes into the shopping cart. Amen, and why didn't they feed me this stuff in Catholic School? Cheapskates. Now, I'm really not in a snacking mood for a few days. So I sit the Bible Bread on my desk and just admire the box for awhile. Frankly, it adds a tasteful (no pun intended), subdued air of sophistication among the Pez dispensers. Makes the place downright respectable, what with the pretty picture of holy desert land or something, and a really nice story! And you know that there's nothing I like better than snacks with a story. So if you haven't read your Bible (you heathen), here's the scoop. Way back when the Isrealites fled from Egypt to the Sinai Desert, you had to just kind of bake and go. That meant no time to sit around and let the dough rise, so they had to grab their crispy, unleavened bread and follow Moses out of town. Something tells me that this stuff I've got probably tastes better, what with the honey, onion and poppy, and garlic varieties available. That, and it's a lot fresher, what with the plastic bag. No time for Joseph to pack up the vacuum-seal machine. And that's just one panel of the box! I decide that I'm going to be reading for awhile, so I'd better grab a snack. I unwrap the bread, and begin to munch on what is essentially a dry, flaky, skinny cracker. Hm. More crunching. I go to the kitchen and pour myself a big glass of water to wash down the first few bites. Something is still stuck to my tonsils. I am in a quandary. Must finish Bible Bread, but...so...dry.... I go to the refrigerator and retrieve my emergency tub of ranch dip. Problem solved. So now that I'm able to snarf down this stuff, I continue reading the box, and see that they have a website. Cracker in one hand and mouse in the other, I surf to the promised land, which turns out to be well worth the two-fifty I spent on the Bible Bread. It turns out that this company makes a few kosher delicacies, including a special snack-sized Bible Bread. Not only that, but a few people wrote in to say how much they enjoy the products. Let's seee what Pastor Henry Riley, of Centenary United Methodist Church in Chesterfield, VA, says: "One of our churchgoers introduced the honey flavored BIBLE BREAD to us at a Sunday school meeting. It was the ideal snack for a church meeting, healthy and Biblical. I try to keep it on hand at all times." Yes, Henry, but how to wash down the saliva-depleting goodness? Galilee Splendor has something for that, too! Let's see what the website has to say about (this is no joke, kids) River Jordan Mineral Water: Take a sip of history and enjoy the excellent quality, purity and freshness of this genuine spring water bottled at one of the sources of the Jordan River. So I don't know that Bible Bread has exactly changed my life or anything. It's the kind of snack you pull out of your pantry to make your guests giggle, but don't actually feed them because you want to stay friends and stuff. My advice: if you're really stuck in the desert and are fleeing bondage, don't forget the dip.
Galilee Splendor |