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23 june 2000

capitalizing on my marginal importance to the world

Owning a website is a lot like owning insurance. Essentially, you own nothing. You can't touch it, pick it up, or give it a good whack. It doesn't do anything but sit there where no one else can whack it, either. Most sites exist to fill the time of people who have nothing better to do than surf in times of need. Therefore, I consider it a public service to people who have sucko office jobs and want something good to read while they're looking busy.

Having a website is still pretty cool, though. Especially if you go through the trouble of registering a good URL, which indicates to the world that you have seventy bucks for the reservation fee and a lot of spare time. Like insurance, it can be impressive under the right circumstances. Take the following example:

Dick: "Hey, I wrecked my car."
Jane: "Whoa. That sucks. No more car for you."
Dick: "No Jane. I've got insurance, which will send me money for my wrecked car.
Jane: "Wow! I thought insurance was just something that sat in a safe deposit box and didn't do anything fun. That's why I never got any, because no one could see it or touch it and compliment me on it, like a pair of new shoes or something."
Dick: "That's where you're wrong, Jane. Insurance can be super neato. It pays for stuff so you don't have to."
Jane: "You are so cool, Dick. Insurance rocks. I'm very impressed. Would you like to have drinks at my place later?

I guess you'd have to run in the circles that I do to find this example relevant. Poets and artists with full health and dental aren't exactly swinging from the rafters, so the fully insured ones look pretty darn good.

So, if pop culture makes your toes wiggle...if strange retail purchases get you worked into a lather... if you're boycotting Cosmo, Maxim and all those other checkout-lane atrocities...

Looks like you're in the right place, skippy.

First, check out the daily-updated column Life and Stuff, then click over to lid, the litmag. Read from and become one of the poets and writers that everyone will (hopefully) be reading about tomorrow. Better yet, check out the Reviews page for commentary about the things I spend money on. I'm currently awaiting an eight-ounce jar of Critter Clay and a pound of eyeballs in the mail. You'll be the first to know the many household uses I discover for them.

So, until next time, grab some Yoo-Hoo and a wad of Play-Doh and settle in for awhile. I'm going to go play with my Merlin game now.