| 20 april 2001 the review! this one's important, i think. yep, definitely important. | northern invasion So, if you live anywhere around the town of Waterbury, CT, come by the Barnes and Noble tonight at 7:30. I'll be their featured poet this eve'! I'm most excited about this little Northeast jaunt; I was itching to get out of town for about a week. After Connecticut, I'll be strolling about NYC for a few days, seeing friends, taking in some good art, and eating pierogies. Then more pierogies, washed down with a slab of cheesecake and settling everything in with some pizza. Viva New York, land of much grub and narrow sidewalks. Drat it. I'm making this a road trip, which is always eventful when you're driving anywhere on I-95. No matter what state you're driving, from Florida to Massachusetts, I-95 brings out the worst in everyone . In a hurry? Not in a hurry? You'd better be in a hurry! These people are animals. I don't need to get there at 120 mph, I just need to get there. So it's the slow lane for me, which is still moving at a pretty good clip. But then you have to be careful because the slow lane has now become a long, moving telephone booth. Don't pull over to call your spouse and yell at them--just move over a lane! Be sure to smack your kids a lot. And eat. So I get here, right, and I flip on the television. Of course, the first thing I see is a prescription drug commercial. Apparently, if driving on I-95 doesn't kill me, Estroven will. So will Osteotin, Kidnola, a bunch of stuff I can't pronounce, and that rosacea cream. Who directs these things, and where can I get that job? Places! PLA-ces! Alright, you, the sick one--you dance among the gardenias. And you, when I wiggle my arm, you step off of your scooter and do a cartwheel. DON'T FART AGAIN! Everyone pet the dog when she licks the prescription bottle. I'll do the side-effects voiceover. This medicine is fine for most people, but in some cases it may cause stomach upset, headache, hives, nose hair, smelly feet, testicle shrinkage, and lopsided breasts. It may cause you to weave in traffic, but only on I-95 while asking your husband to pick up some pork chops and simultaneously berating your daughter for missing the winning soccer goal. Sign me up, doc! I'll see you again on Monday. |
