| how to get out of jury duty a poem I live in a free country
Where doing my civic duty won't make me a hero.
This week, it interferes with my vacation plans.
I will pick up roadside litter next month.
to conspicuously amend for my absence
like the sinner who piously prays in public. I will show up at the courthouse,
pray my name isn't called
but be prepared
if it is.
I will walk the line
of contempt
wear too much cheap perfume
and a t-shirt with gaudy rock lyrics.
No one screws with my vacation plans.
Three hours of bad coffee and yellowed news magazines later,
eleven of the twelve jurors have been seated.
They all seem very proud
and wear hero-next-door smiles
as they dutifully swear
to having no opinion on this
or any other matter.
At last, a lifetime of shrugged shoulders
and indifference
will serve their country well.
The judge calls me up to fill the twelfth seat.
I state my full name.
The district attorney asks what I do for a living.
I am a writer.
I editorialize everything that crosses my path for a living.
It's what I do.
Then the DA describes the case to me.
Second-degree murder.
Asks if I know the defendant.
I do not.
Asks if I know anything about the case.
And of course I do.
It was front page news for three days.
I guess everyone else here forgot that.
Then he asks me if I had formed an opinion on what I read.
This is a small city.
I read about local murders and form opinions.
It's what I do for a living.
It's what I do to keep on living.
I thought that was my civic duty.
To be aware of my world
and this town.
Until the judge and the DA
look at me unkindly
like I'm making them late for tee-off
thank me for my time
and has the security guard escort me out
because people like me don't make good jurors.
I won't be bothered by them for three years.
They're off the hook for awhile, too.
At that moment, I would have done anything to postpone my vacation. Knowing too much
Is a threat to their plans for justice today. Today, lemmings will not jump from the cliff.
They will throw one of their own over the edge. | 
