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6 march 2001
You all are really going to hate me for this review. Just forget I said anything about those seventeen grams of fat, 'kay? |
like, retro Alrighty! New lid will be up sometime this week with some swingin' new poetry! Also, awhile back I purchased the domain www.ncpoetry.com, and am thinking of moving all of my literary endeavors there. Plans are still under development, so stay tuned. It's official. I'm old. The relics of my adolescence are now retro kitch. There are threats of feathered hair again. Bryan Adams, Fine Young Cannibals, and Material Girl Madonna have been compiled by the As-Seen-on-TV record label, formerly known as K-Tel. I swear I heard Sussudio as I scanned the classic rock station this morning. Michael Jackson was still a Thriller. He was Bad. Now he's just creepy. I know my Members Only jacket is around here somewhere. Ah, the 80's. My life from 9 to 19. The feathered hair. The style of which we no longer speak. The rat tail. The white, unnatural highlights. Monogrammed sweaters. Acid-wash jeans. Shoulder pads. Leg warmers. Dude, I totally wore leg warmers! What a feeling! Let's be frank: I didn't want to wear those clothes or haircuts in the 80's, so what makes anyone think I want to wear them now? Doesn't anyone watch Dallas reruns anymore? Those people looked ridiculous! You could perch an eagle on Victoria Principle's shoulder pads. And the guys...NICE SKINNY TIE! Right on with the parachute pants! Don't forget the tan. If you're going to be 80's, you'd better have a tan. Don't forget to layer your brown eyeshadow: light on the lid, dark streak on the socket, highlighter by the brow. Complete surprised look with six layers of mascara and wet, gooey, red mouth. Accentuate with large hoop earrings and pointy shoes. Trick or Treat! Now get out there and Wang Chung tonight. I guess I just don't see the appeal in reliving the Me years, the senseless indulgence, the "more is better" mind-set. I don't want to see it dressed up in big hair and preppy sweaters again. We don't need a Family Ties reunion movie, but if this keeps up we might get it. If I had it my way, I'd say, "alright, bring back the 80's, sure. But do it on my terms." If it were up to me, all of these 80's compilation CDs would boot Phil Collins and Lionel Richie for the Smiths, the Violent Femmes, and REM when they were still on the IRS label. Devo and Weird Al Yankovic! The Eurythmics! We'd slam dance ourselves silly in our leg warmers and upturned Izod shirt collars. And I would absolutely insist that TVLand broadcast endless reruns of Knight Rider . All talking car, all the time. Imagine...David Hasselhoff, fully clothed, a merciful respite from the Baywatch 90's . |
