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2 march 2001
You all are really going to hate me for this review. Just forget I said anything about those seventeen grams of fat, 'kay? |
how to eat a girl scout cookie Alright, Denizens, get your pens. Girl Scout Cookie season is here, and it is now time for me to pass on some secrets from Kim's Vault O' Indulgence. You will also need one twelve-ounce glass of milk (soy is fine). We will be focusing on three types of cookies today, the Shortbread, the Thin Mint, and the Peanut Butter Patty. Now, while Girl Scout cookies are an always-reliable snack sensation, they are not to be eaten casually. True, honorable cookie enjoyment requires preparation, quick reflexes, and several napkins. Therefore, your first task is to find a comfortable spot at the table--no couch or bedtime munching. The table gives you better leverage. Pour the glass of milk, allowing approximately one centimeter between the top of the glass and the milk. This reduces spillage during each dunk session. Beginning with the shortbread cookie, grab it at one corner between your index finger and thumb. Dunk the cookie into the milk, and hold it there for about five or six seconds, until it is fractions of a second from falling apart. With your head next to the glass, remove the cookie in a swift motion and throw it into your mouth. Voila! Cookie enjoyed. Little to no chewing required. You may lose the first few cookies to the milk while practicing, but you'll get it eventually. E-mail me if you have further problems. Alright, now onto the advanced lesson. Once you're sated on the shortbreads, it's time for the Thin Mints. Grab one cookie and look carefully at it. You will see that it is a nubby circle. Your goal is to create entry points for the milk, which the hard chocolate coating resists in its original state. Take two small bites from opposing sides of the cookie. This allows equal milk access to the inner mint. Time to dunk! Holding the cookie at one of the coated ends, keep it in the milk for about ten seconds. (These are very unlikely to fall apart.) It should now be soaked to the core, and you may now take a bite or throw the whole thing in your mouth. Repeat until the box is empty. The second technique also works for the Peanut Butter Patties, which are also delicious after having been frozen. So, for the next few weeks (if you haven't already), you're going to see area Scouts at your local stores. Don't leave without those cookies! Come on, they're nice kids. It's a good cause. And at last, you know how to eat them right. And to appease my own guilt at having shared these sinful secrets with you, I hear that EDiets.com will help you forget that any of this ever happened. |
