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6 february 2001

Submit to lid. Earn fame. Lots of fame! Fortune, well...

quandary du jour

I'm trying to expand my vocabulary to include sweet men, without calling them sweet. Mmmph.

Okay, so here's the thing: someone did something really nice for me. He happened to be a guy, one of the very dudely ones with muscles and and a buzzcut and stuff. So he does good deed, right, and I'm all, "hey, thanks a bunch! You're awfully sweet . Aw, shucks."

And he's all, "uh-uh, not sweet," and I get the funny eyebrow. Then he happens to tell me about getting a new home gym that's going to make him all bouncer-esque. Then he strolls into the night, presumably to continue non-sweet, dudely activities. Hunting? Making fire from two sticks and other found objects? Launching fireworks?

So I'm just going to say this once: men .

For years, most of the guys with whom I associate...uuh, how do I say this.... Okay, most of the guys I hang with aren't exactly the sorts of fellows with whom you walk down dark alleys. When it comes to cars, they know how to start one and place a beaded seat cover on the driver's side. That's about it. They rarely engage in activities that might lose them a finger, because HEY, they might lose a finger! Welding--out. Fixing stuff? Yeah, they can fix stuff--they can fix me a nice cappuccino while we figure out who to call about the dishwasher.

These are my sweet friends, they know it, and I tell them every so often. I rely on them for a specific range of niceties. Robert makes the best dinners, with miso soup and deep, leafy salads. Lyndon holds the flashlight while I break into my car to get the keys out of the ignition. Jason sends me neato wireless applications! (Said application, by the way, makes my toes wiggle.)

Now, I used to think that my vocabulary could accommodate sweet gentlemen of all ilks. Or if I ever found myself in a pinch, I could make up an acceptable word to the delight of all concerned.

I figured that since the word "sweet" describes candy, I would look toward confectionary marketing ploys to find an acceptable synonym. Something more king-sized Snickers than Russell Stover bon bon, see? Sweet, but dudely. But those don't work, either. What, I'm going to say, "thanks. You're crunchy ! You're chock full of nuts ?? You're fruity ?!?"

Strike two.

So I guess I'm just stuck on this one. I'm going to have to look into other languages. Any takers? Anyone willing to offer me some assistance on this? I need a word--just one word. No strings, no qualifications, no blah blah blah blah. Something succinct, but with biceps.

I once read that there are Inuit communities with dozens of words for snow , because it is important to them.

English should be so accommodating.

from Sujal in India:
Thank you for your thoughts. Bombay has been unaffected outside of tremors on the day of the Quake and sentiment. Gujurat State which borders Maharashtra (Bombay is the capital) is where the epicenter was. Bhuj the exact location of the epicenter is flattened in totality. Neighboring towns/villages/cities have been hit hard. People are guestimating that over 100,000 people would have perished. It is a sad natural disaster. India being an extremely poor nation is inadequately equipped to deal with a crisis of this magnitude. However, the people of this resilient nation are string and all affected will find a way to move on.

We're glad you're alright, Sujal! Take care.