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16 january 2001 |
i ought to be ashamed Alright, al-RIGHT, you win! You have me, Fox Television! I am wrapped around your horrible Rockwellian creepy finger of reality. I, the lone American who never saw one episode of Survivor. I, who curls up with a good book when faced with an evening of When Animals Crash Cars. I, who wouldn't own a television if it weren't for vintage TV Land. I watched the first installment of Temptation Island. The problem is, I liked it. Someone come over and smack me good. Okay, let's clarify. I didn't LIKE it like it. I sat through it, okay? I'd had a long day at work, I was tired, it's cold outside, and hey you just leave me alone I liked it so there pppththth. Not since Jerry Springer's rise to fame has anything so crass hit the airwaves, and that includes Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire (good intentions gone horribly awry; Rick Rockwell is grodie).Temptation Island ain't no love connection, kids. This show has one goal, and that is to publicly humiliate and destroy four perfectly nice relationships. Okay, even I don't believe that one. It's about horny idiots in bikinis. We are led to believe some of them can read. It's pretty much downhill from there. Let me backtrack for a minute. Robert from the Netherlands wrote to me a few days ago saying that he'd read about Temptation Island, and asked me what I thought of it. Frankly, I hadn't really thought much about the show; I figured it was another Survivor thing, and that didn't do much for me. Moreover, it seems like every writer and pundit has already had something to say about this stupid show, and I didn't think I'd have anything too fresh or enlightening. So add me to the pile o' pundits. The premise is this--four (supposedly) committed couples (guinea pigs) are taken to a swanky island in Belize. The couples are at a "turning point" in their relationships (aka the gals want to get married, except for orange-haired Meg). Over the course of two weeks, their relationships will be "tested" by twenty-six available singles who are scattered over the island. To make matters worse (or better, if you ask the guys), the couples are separated so that said singles may rub themselves against them. Who will stay together? Who will break up? Who was dumb enough to sign up for this trip in the first place? You can click the links I've placed for more details on how this show works. Temptation Island, frankly, isn't a new idea. Give me a camera and I'll shoot Temptation Winston-Salem for you in a jiffy. The scenario: guy approaches galpal with proposition--"I think we should see other people to 'test our relationship' and see how strong it really is. I need to make sure we'll be committed, so I'm going to scronk other people now. Don't wait up for me. Bye!" And then he heads down to Gatsby's Pub on Burke Street for assistance with this turning point in his relationship. So for those of you who may be facing just such a situation, let me spell it out for you. When your mate approaches you and states clearly that he/she wants to see other people because it will strengthen the relationship--THEY ARE FULL OF POOP. Okay? You just pretend they didn't say that last bit, then smile. "Oh, you want to see other people? Alright, then! Have fun, bye!" Then you head to the Y, throw around some barbells for awhile, get yourself a new swimsuit, and head to the beach for a few days. Stay in a nice hotel with cable. Watch Temptation Island, with a smug look on your face in spite of what you've endured. What do you have that these people don't? A bikini full of dignity. |
