: : home     : : reviews     : : days gone by     : : who?         : : contact     : : nobel reading project    

7 april 2003

currently reading

Faith of My Fathers: A Family Memoir, by Mark Salter and John McCain. Like many Americans, I admire John McCain. This book recounts his Navy days, and ends with his release from a Vietnamese POW camp. Considering current events, reading this book makes me wonder if there will be another John McCain in twenty years.

Bush at War by Bob Woodward. Hm. President ruling on "gut instinct". Yikes?

i love your yellow car!

"Also, I love the yellow park bench, your yellow pants from sitting on that bench and your yellow windows!" Can you remember the last time that you got this much attention from the neighbors? Do you want to harness the power of staring strangers?

Do you get tired of your multi-chromatic world? Are you sick of looking out those clear, shiny windows at the blue sky? Are you bored with the color of your clean, shiny car? Are people nicer to you when your eyes are swollen shut?

WAIT NO MORE! If you call within the next twenty minutes, we will send you one FULL vacuum cleaner bag filled with pollen. That's right! Act now, and you get a full FIVE POUND BAG filled with luscious, yellow pollen. Slash it open, and look at what you can do! Pour lines of pollen on a small mirror, roll up a dollar bill, and YOU TOO can enjoy the envious and pitying stares of your coworkers. Who partied too late last night? YOU, with a face that's been bitch-slapped by pollen! Goodbye crappy job, hello unemployment and days filled with Court TV! Pollen, you da best!

But wait, there's more! Call now and we'll also send you this handy sifter--perfect for giving your car an even coating of bright yellow pollen. Who puked on your shiny blue car? Why, no one--it's pollen!

Is there a new subdivision of starter mansions that really grinds your beans? POLLEN TO THE RESCUE. Wet down the streets of your least-favorite cul-de-sac, creating lots of rainy-day puddles. Pour pollen into standing water, and apply one Doritos wrapper and a hypodermic needle. INSTANT GHETTO! Begone, Stepford Wives. Hello, life of solitude and green space. Pollen is your pal!

Hungry? Add three parts sour cream to one part pollen. Makes a great dip! Out of horseradish? Put pollen on your roast beef! Mmm...now that's the hearty taste of POLLEN!

What are you waiting for! Spring will be over before you know it, so don't wait! Get your pollen now, before it's all gone. CALL NOW!

Disclaimer: Pollen may cause sneezing, farting when sneezing, wheezing, itching, drowsiness, swelling, seizures, coma, annoyance, and death. Do not aim and fire when under the influence of pollen. Children should be locked in the basement and never, ever allowed to use pollen. Do not stuff pillows with pollen. Do not dump bodies in shallow graves of pollen. Distributed by Evil Stepmother Nature, Inc. All rights reserved. No refunds, no returns, no soup for you. May the pollen be with you. Beavis and Pollenhead will return after these messages. Friends don't let friends drive through pollen. No wire pollen! Are you trying to seduce me, Mrs. Pollen? I tawt I taw pollen! Uuuuh, huh huh huh, I'm huntin' powwen.