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6 january 2003

currently reading

crashing the party: how to tell the truth and still run for president

news

this week marks winston-salem's first poetry slam in the moved and newly-renovated morning dew coffeehouse! that said, bob gave me that look, so i'll be making a return to the slam stage if'n any of you all want to hear some new work i've written. later in the month, buddy ray mcneice is coming to town from cleveland.

cracks in the dam

Time is a precious commodity of which I've had little for the past couple of months. I've not taken much of it to write, which is tough on me. I think I lead a reasonably interesting life, and I like to keep a record of it for my own sake, if nothing else. It'll give me something to read when I'm old, bored, and in the home, you know?

Who am I kidding? When I'm old and institutionalized, I'll be making Jell-O salads with my roommate's dentures in the middle. Screw knitting and playing bridge; I'll be my own retirement activities coordinator, thanks.

One of the reasons I haven't written a great deal here recently is that there is a big ol' pile in my noggin's In-Box. I think about the even bigger "to-do" stack in our country's In-Box. I feel like anything I could write on a particular day is trivial until I can address something substantial. I wonder what my responsibility is here at the site, and how seriously I want to take that responsibility. For some time now, the myriad of crises that the United States faces has weighed heavily on my mind. It keeps crossing paths with something that someone said to me a couple of years ago:

"Young people are just more liberal. If you don't become more conservative as you grow older, you're a fool. Old liberal people are crazy."

Well, pad my walls and hook up the electrodes! Guess I'm getting loonier by the day.

Here's the other saying on my mind:

"America is only free if you have money."

As you can see, I'm in a psychic pickle at the moment.

It is easy to ignore what's currently happening in the United States if you are comfortable. It's even easier if you're comfortable and oblivious. That whole "us and them" mentality? Yeah, that works just fine. You're a super-swell member of the "us" clan, and you don't hang with the "thems". It's all good, baby. You've got two cars--at least one of them is the size of a barn and gets two blocks per gallon. You are prosperous! Everything is OK. Your only concern is that no one takes your damn stuff. Cause no one's a-messin' with your stuff, and you're armed to the teeth. Burglars and bad people, take notice! You worked hard for all that crap! Bang, bang! You're working an average of 83 hours more per year than people did 20 years ago, and you're commuting an average of 26 minutes to work each way. But you are doing well! The kids have video games and carry more poundage than children of any other nation. If added poundage equals prosperity, baby, we're loaded.

I don't know that I will ever be comfortable enough not to care, or notice, what's going on in America. The current trend seems to be this: mistake bad things for good things. We as a country have spent God knows how long rationalizing a wasteful, dangerous, isolationist lifestyle. Now, our increasingly-conservative government not only endorses this lifestyle, but is doing everything in its power to get our hands on more crap that we don't need, like oil and plastic doo-dads from China.

Take shopping. It became our damn patriotic duty to SHOP after September 11, to pour more money "into the economy". Instead of saving our money, Americans (through circumstance or choice) are increasing their personal debt load to the highest levels we've seen in years. Some do it to make ends meet. Others just charge everything for kicks and giggles. Just last week, I heard it reported on NPR's "Marketplace" that home refinancings are at their highest levels ever, due to low interest rates and people's need for extra income. Of course the economy monster is all for this, since much of that saved interest money is going to retail outlets instead of into savings or retirement accounts.

A lot of people are doing a good thing by refinancing their home and saving tons of money. I want to know how much of it then pays for gas and more plastic things made in Everywhere But the United States, where the plastic-stuff making people keep getting laid off.

And so.

I want to know how many people will have to become uncomfortable, angry, and fearless enough to question, then change, our current government. I want to know where all of the activists go when they graduate college. I want to know why I see lots of angry people flipping off other angry people on the highway on their way to work, and no angry Triad residents storming the steps of Congress because dozens of textile plants closed or moved operations to Mexico this year. I want to know how we can contact the NYC, LA, and Cincinnati policemen who have been prosecuted for using excessive force on African Americans. Let's use their skills! Put those guys to work! Send them and their thuggy friends to WorldCom's and Enron's headquarters so they can enjoy the new and unfamiliar feel of a white collar under their hands.

As I get older, maybe I am getting crazier. At what age was I supposed to put on my blinders and not see the disenfranchised? At what age do I turn in my passport as a world citizen, and add a brick to the "it's all about us" wall around the United States?

When was I supposed to say, "fuck it", fill 'er up, close the door, and settle my ass into the leather seat so I can drive around the parking lot and drown out the unanswered questions, the sheriff's, "I'm here to serve eviction papers," children eating mayonnaise sandwiches the day before payday, "my retirement has lost half its value this year"? I want to hear what citizens of the countries we occupy say about us over lunch. I want to know if Americans really are okay with everything.

I want to know if you know where you stand. If you don't, please take a moment to find your feet. I have to believe that they're around here somewhere.