| 29 january 2002 | garage sale sociology 101 Want to know the fundamental differences between Americans and Britons? Then tune in to my favorite television show. If I might miss it that week, by golly I tape it. Because this, friends, is the most entertaining window into human nature if ever I saw it. I love Antiques Roadshow, both the US and UK versions onPBS. I'm no antique collector, but one of these days I'm going to throw a couple of my first-edition books into a backpack and go to one of these things. Because they are funny. If you have never seen or heard of the Roadshow--WHAT? It began in the UK, on the BBC (I think). A bunch of appraisers would gather, and invite the public to a weekend-long appraisal fair. Then, they film it. According to a recent article in the Atlantic Monthly, to gain admission to an American Roadshow, you must have one item with you for appraisal. Mere spectators aren't allowed. In the gold-rush mentality of these Roadshow convention halls, there just isn't room for everyone, unless you've got stuff. In my area, the US version broadcasts around noon on Saturdays. That's the one I'm most likely to miss, and tape for later viewing. In case you've never noticed, Americans like their stuff. That's why these new suburban mcmansions are all the rage. With birth rates down to .7 children per family, we don't need those four bedrooms for anything but all of our stuff. In the United States, people who own old stuff fall into two categories. They inherited it (rare). The more likely scenario is that we got it at a garage sale or thrift store. We Americans like our stuff, but dang if we're going to pay a premium for someone else's old stuff. If it ain't five bucks, we're not paying, and off to the next garage sale you go. The irony is that Americans overvalue their cheap stuff. Take a good look at the faces of people on the Roadshow. These people are convinced that their three-dollar cameo broach is a ten-thousand dollar gold mine. What a sucker that guy was to sell it to them! Their faces fall as they talk to one of the sideline apprasiers, who tells them that it's really a piece of plastic costume jewelry, and they spent too much. Now, there are those rare people who "antique" as a hobby, and find some swell stuff in their forays. They then educate themselves on said antique items...so much that I'm sure the Roadshow editor has a good old time trying to shut them up in the edit process. In some cases, the owners are just wrong about the history on their coveted vase. It looks like a Tiffany I saw in a book once, so it must be the real deal! I rock, and what a sucker that guy was to give it up at the garage sale! Another face falls as the appraiser says it's nice, perhaps worth 300 dollars, but it's really just carnival glass from 1910. Here's a standard rule on the American Roadshow: the less an obsessive garage-saler paid for something, the more he or she has to say about it. Mindless blathering is inversely proportional to price. Remember that. Here's another rule: if it's inherited, or you found it behind some attic beams in your new house, chances are it's worth at least 30,000 dollars at auction. These are the people who invariably think Grandma's vase is really ugly, but they kept it to honor her. Or, they nearly threw away that Picasso because the breasts were up by the ear, and didn't go with the new lamps they got at Target. On those occasions when an American brings in something of great value, and the appraiser states the exorbitant sum it could fetch at auction, Americans go nuts. I've seen people cry, hug, jump up and down, and holler "woo-hoo!" When we Yanks discover that we have something of value, we disintigrate into a Homer Simpson-esque, drooling heap of our former selves. British people must think we're out of our minds. If they didn't snack on sticky loaves of prune-studded bread and Marmite, we wouldn't have a chance against them in a dignity contest. Everything, including the theme song, for Roadshow UK is different. The American version gets down with a very up-tempo, jazzy theme. It's fun, peppy, and nostalgic. When the British version plays, all cornets and dignified brass, you fully expect the queen to dodder in and get her crown appraised at the center table. The setting is always different, too. While American Roadshows always take place at the St. Louis Convention Hall or the Charleston Civic Center; Britons prefer to appraise in castles and estates. I can't explain this glaring difference, but suspect that easy access to full-service snack bars are a major deciding factor in the American version. If we can't get a big pretzel and pop, we ain't goin'. English people have way more valuable stuff than we Americans do, that's a fact. Their family estate has been in Birmingham since 1507, and "Grandmum was most meticulous about her belongings". The English appear markedly less interested in the value of something, unless it's for insurance purposes. No way are they selling Mum's porcelain tea set! Are you crazy? That's a family heirloom! In parts of America, an heirloom is something upon which you weave men's toupees. Alright, so the British person has brought something for appraisal. She knows where it came from, the six generations who passed it down, and who loved it the most. In one case, I saw a woman bring in some family porcelain that she enjoyed immensely. When the appraiser told her it was worth nearly 60,000 American dollars, she didn't miss a beat. No crying. No jumping up and down. No fainting. "Oh, that's brilliant. But you know, I shan't part with it. Lovely. Thank you." Sheesh, I would have wet myself at the 10,000 dollar level. Antiques Roadshow is one of PBS' most popular programs in this country, with good reason. In recent years, we Americans have become all about kitch and collecting. There is a part of all of us that wants to be part of the gold rush. We are a society of lottery ticket holders, buying Publishers Clearing House magazines because we think it just might increase our chances of winning. (It won't.) In traffic jams, we fantasize about our reaction when the guys with the check ring our doorbell. The Roadshow has everything we Americans love: intrigue, the possibility of winning big, and instant gratification. It shows us who we are, what we have, and how we measure value. Or, in some cases, how we don't. Antiques Roadshow |