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11 february 2002

i ran into this 70-ish couple while doing some errands yesterday afternoon. they were swinging their arms. they don't care what day it is.

looking for your valentines' day alternatives? here they are.

deciding what matters

This has been a week, the kind where you look around any corner you can find for the nearest possible Saturday. You can always tell the people who have no control over their life outside of work. Take the extra-mean lady (as opposed to the just surly ones) at the drivers license office today. She was just way too concerned about us sitting in the green chairs versus the brown ones. Think Cruella DeVille in a state-issued uniform and access to laminating supplies.

Nonetheless, it's been a week of some good moments. The weather here has been stellar, and perfect for running until so many things cramp up that you're forced to limp home. On Wednesday evening, I attended Ash Wednesday service as a guest of the other Episcopal church near my home. Turns out I needed that worse than I thought.

Those of you who have been around for awhile know that Lent is an important time of year for me. My spirituality is a personal thing, and I like to keep it that way. In fact, I think many people would prefer that others kept their religion to themselves. Me and church have a long, and sometimes complicated, relationship. With all of the open access that we Americans now have to other religions, this isn't so unusual. We read others' religious tomes, and attend different services with friends so often that it's difficult to say that any one belief is entirely right or wrong. To be quite honest with you, Buddhist thoughts get me through some of my most difficult days. Christianity keeps me humble. I work through all of it in my general mission to be a kind, decent person. I would rather be a small asset to humanity, no matter what belief system gets me there.

Lent is one of my favorite times of year. It focuses me on what's important, to simplify and become more mindful. It's fasting on Fridays, and giving up something that I enjoy. This year, I'm really taking it on the chin and sacrificing coffee. That's right, coffee. None until Easter, at which point I'm sure you'll find me giddily bouncing off the walls of some unfortunate coffeehouse. Just like Peter Cottontail.

This year, I'm also working--or maybe, not working--on my tendency to worry about stupid stuff. I am a creature ruled by conscience. I'm responsible. I may be a lot of things, but "unreliable" is not one of them. The downside of this is that I am sometimes disappointed by other people, or events, or just circumstance. As I grow older, I've found myself gradually relaxing my expectations without drastically lowering them. Like Linda once told me, "if you didn't break it, you can't fix it." Worrying accomplishes nothing. Nothing! Taking action while worrying, maybe. But plain old fretting about what someone will or will not do that may affect my life is a colossal waste of time. It's time to stop now.

I don't aim to be less responsible by any means. I'm just trying to get better at asking if this will be important in a week. A month? A year? Most of the time, it won't. So I send it on its way, to bug someone else.

You think it would be easy. We live in a world of people who don't call, don't honor commitments, and show up late. You'd think the peer pressure would have smothered me by now, but darn if I aspired to not be that woman. Maybe the lack of caffiene this month will take care of this for me. If I'm not awake, I can't fret.